When we think about the people in our lives we typically do so in terms of questioning the past or trying to predict the future. We wonder why we behaved a certain way or imagine how someone will react to news. The present, however, is more elusive. That’s because we don’t have the capacity for deduction in-the-moment and can’t evaluate while we’re in the process of real-time interaction. Well that’s what we’ve thought. But what if our brains were actually conducting real-time analysis and feeding us data through our emotions? That is the crux of what Malcolm Gladwell described in “Blink” as “rapid cognition”.
Humans developed a rapid cognitive process through which, for instance, we recognize signs of danger before we begin consciously deciphering what we see, leading to the often misunderstood notion that we possess extra-computational powers of observation, or a ‘sixth sense’. Gladwell’s work helped to demystify “thinking without thinking” related to external stimuli. This capacity is also present in social interactions in every situation from the mundane to the romantic to the dangerous.
Daniel Goleman explains our ability to quickly ‘get’ an interpersonal exchange in his book “Social Intelligence”, which details the study of social neuroscience. As an example, Goleman relates that when a woman finds a man attractive and looks him directly in the eye, the non-verbal exchange triggers the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure, in the man’s brain. The eye contact produces a measureable physiological reaction. Goleman uses this example and others like it to illustrate that “our brains are mainly designed to connect to the brains of other people.”
Our capacity to recognize the essence of a situation is not limited to seeing the proverbial stranger across a crowded room. Our brains can detect hundreds of emotions in others which trigger emotional and physiological reactions in our brains and bodies. Often, however, we do not act on these small triggers and perceptions. The challenge is that we tend to think too much. We rationalize our feelings and perceptions as emotional and therefore invalid because we’ve been taught that emotion and logic are mutually exclusive. The truth is that emotions are integral to effective human behavior, not in conflict with it.
The better approach is to learn to recognize emotions, understand their triggers and train ourselves to discern the truth – to increase our social/emotional intelligence through training and practice.
Although we perceive and react to stimuli in a sort of subterranean cognitive process, the action happens so rapidly that we don’t notice it on a conscious level. We react to it on an emotional level – what we do unconsciously during that process is counter with shifting body language or micro facial expressions that convey our emotions. These movements create a reaction in the other person and the cycle continues in a constant loop.
Our emotional response to stimuli in social interactions is cumulative. We don’t respond to one shift in body language or facial micro-expression, but rather to all the stimuli in aggregate. Our brain consolidates all the stimuli to create an overall impression. During a conversation, we may not be aware that this is happening. Only afterwards do we disaggregate the collective aspects of the event, often second-guessing our actions and reactions.
Understanding the science of social interaction can help us trust our instinctive emotional responses more–our brains are responding to the truth of a situation even if we don’t realize it on a conscious level. When we learn to recognize emotions in ourselves and others, we can understand what is happening in the moment. We can learn to embrace the good in a situation and be wary of what is less so. You will be astonished by what you see once you know what to look for.